


A WOUNDED LOVE STORY [GerIta/SpaIta]

by Whoops_sin



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Aph north italy - Freeform, Gay, Hetalia, Hetalia GERITA, M/M, North Italy - Freeform, SPAITA, Sadness, aph germany], aph italy - Freeform, aph spain - Freeform, aphgermany, aphspainnn, gerita - Freeform, hetalia APH - Freeform, hetalia SPAITA, hetalia germany, hetalia spain, north italy x spain, spainxitaly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-25 19:31:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12042714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whoops_sin/pseuds/Whoops_sin
Summary: Ludwig and Feliciano love each other. Feliciano being widowed after his husband died and being left with his young daughter Lily, does not know what to do with his life.He finds a nice man who helps with his problems and falls in love with this man.





	1. Chapter 1

Feliciano ran a hand slowly over the left side of his bed, gently gripping the blanket. He looked away then pulled his hand away. This side of the bed was made up, and he couldn’t help think of the male who laid there before. Oh god, he missed him. He missed Ludwig with everything. Feliciano shifted his body then looked at the blankets, the blankets made amazingly and unused for so long. Feliciano pouted some, then without realizing it he closed his eyes as a tear dropped onto his palm. He could hear those soldiers at his door, telling him that his Ludwig was not returning to his bedside.

“Mr?” A man at his door had spoke, and Feliciano responded with a “yes?”

The soldier had slowly handed over a flag and a note, and Feliciano’s heart had sunk. He went quiet. He was staring down at the flag as the soldier was speaking. He shook off the sad feeling at that moment and just shut the door. All that was running through his head at that moment was what he would tell their darling daughter. How do you tell them daddy is never coming home again?

Feliciano opened his eyes and started at the flag on his nightstand, he stood up slowly. His feet feeling heavy below him. When he made it to the dresser, his hand gently ran over the flag. Feliciano choked back a soft cry. He grabbed the flag tightly and pulled it up to his chest and then buried his face in the flag. Everyone thinks he's going crazy all cooped up and crying over his husband, but they don't know how this felt. He had sent his daughter to his brothers until he was mentally stable. Feliciano felt crippled. He took a deep breath, kissed the flag and choked back more tears. “I love you.” He said softly.

Feliciano stumbled against the wall and fell back against it, pulling his legs up against his chest. How does this happen to good people? Why does bad things happen to good people? Feliciano slowly put the flag on the floor, then slowly unfolded it. To his surprise he found a letter which had his name wrote on it. He braced himself then bit onto his lip as he read, there was blood stains on the edges of the paper and he could only imagine Ludwig wrote this at the end of his last beating moment.

The letter read:

Dearest,

I am apologetic to have to write to you in this tragic occurrence. I thought to myself I could not die until I wrote this letter to my dearest. Feliciano, people come and people go, I went. I want you to get out and not grow old thinking of what we could have done. Think of this as a new chapter, take Lily and yourself and find someone new. Lily is going to be one hell of a woman, keep her safe for me since I can’t. I kept this country safe, and I know I kept you and our daughter safe. I love you. I love Lily. Do not tell Lily daddy had died, tell her I will be back for her one day.

-Sergeant First Class Beilschmidt

Feliciano read slowly, his eyes darting over the words. Feliciano closed his eyes and put a hand over his face. He slowly opened his eyes, his breath going quick. He started to cry. He rubbed his face and eyes and tried to stop crying. He needed to just relax, oh but he couldn’t.

Feliciano stood up, still crying. He had to do something about himself, he was a mess. He was a total mess. He slowed down and sat at his desk. He pulled out a book that was Ludwigs favorite. He was going to read this whole thing, even if it was a long book. It would take his mind- as he opened the book he noted it was all in German, perfect. 

Feliciano slowly opened the door of the church and walked in slowly. It was not technically a church but it looked like one. He took a deep breath as he sat down in a chair, careful not to disrupt the people. He felt a tap on his shoulder and he looked up to see a male. The male smiled some. Feliciano quickly spoke “Did I take your chair?” The male shook his head no.

“Come on.” He said. “You look like you just need someone to talk to. I’m a licensed psychiatrist, this group is a complete joke.” Feliciano laughed softly, then looked down. Then he nodded slowly. He stood up.

He felt his arm get grabbed and he was getting dragged along to a private room. As he entered it was a small room, there was a desk and two small loveseat couches. Feliciano sat down at one. “Is this a different part of the church?” Feliciano asked. “Funny.” The male said. “This isn’t a church. It's a rehab center and a support group center. I know you’re not here for rehab, you don’t seem like the kid who would drink or take drugs-” Feliciano laughed quietly. “Well I’ve been drinking. This is the first time I’ve been sober in a few months.” He admitted.

The male shut the door and sat at his desk, pulling up a page on his computer. “Well, Sir. I can help you. Free of charge. You look rough.” He said, turning to him, holding a hand out. “My names Antonio.” He said. “Yours?”

Feliciano shook his hand, “Feliciano Vargas.” He whispered softly. Antonio dropped the handshake and nodded. He typed that into the computer and then asked, “Date of birth?”

Feliciano had to think, then spoke “March 17th, 1989.” He said, Antonio nodded slowly. “Address?” That question rang through his head some, what was his address. He shook his head slowly, trying to think. Then he spoke. “I think it’s 17 South Rose street.” He shrugged. “I’m not entirely sure.” Antonio nodded slowly. “That is okay, Feliciano.” Then he turned back to see him.

“What's bothering you?” Antonio asked, then noticed Felicianos’ face freeze, he was trying to avoid this question. Feliciano shook his head, whispering softly. “Just basic things, stress, my daughter, stuff like that.” Feliciano fidgeted and ran a finger over his left hand. Antonio asked. “Do you have a wife?”

“Husband- well. I just have a flag now.” Feliciano whispered, looking at his hands and choking on his words. “My… My husband died last month. He was fighting in the war, something he was so proud of and he… he died. He left me and Lily alone.” Antonio nodded slowly. “Lily being your daughter?”

Feliciano nodded. “Yes. She’s only 6. I sent her to be with my brother and my brother and law. She looks so much like him and I’m so… I can’t stand it. I looked at her after he died, after I got the flag, and I broke down. Her little hands grabbed my cheeks and my hands and she kept asking me what was wrong and I couldn’t stand how much she just resembles him. It drove me crazy.” He cried out. “Ludwig was my highschool lover and he showed people we would stay together. When we were 18 and we graduated, he proposed and I was so excited. I loved him. He was wanting to marry me. He wanted me for himself. Forever. We were married for three years when I suggested maybe a baby would be good for us. He became the one who would impregnate our surrogate. But he also signed up to enlist for the army after she was born. He renewed his enlistment when lily was 4, so he would be in there for another 4 years. He was reenlisted for only one year and he was sent to war. I missed him so much. Lily being almost 5, didn't know where her daddy went.” He choked back his cried and sighed quietly, “I had to say he was keeping us safe. He promised me he would be safe, but last month, he died and left me alone with this child, and I don't think I can miss him more. None of my family understands the pain I have. This was the love of my life.” He was rambling and crying and just full on saying everything wrong.

Antonio listened then spoke. “I would say the best thing to do is get your daughter in the house and take care of her like you normally would. She will make you heal faster since she looks like him.” He smiled some, handing over some tissues in which Feliciano took the box, blowing his nose and dabbing the tears off his cheeks. “She probably misses you, being with your brother. She loves you and she wants her other daddy back.” He paused to think. “I would say that after you get the healing part down to find someone. There's millions of people that will love and care for you and your daughter. I promise you. There is more people already in your life that will love and care for you.” Feliciano nodded slowly, responding to Antonio.

“I just loved him, we were together for 11 years. But.. you’re right. He would want me to heal. He would want me to stay safe.” He slowly smiled some. “He was an amazing man.” Feliciano said, then looked at Antonio. “Antonio, thank you.” He said, slowly looking over Antonio's face. “Hey. No problem.” Antonio smiled slowly. Antonio grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down his number. “Call me when you’re feeling low.” Feliciano looked at the paper hesitantly, then took it. Feliciano looked at Antonios’ face. Antonio was a male, light golden brown with dozens and dozens of freckles all over his nose and cheeks. Antonio had short brown hair, and scruff on his chin and neck. Feliciano nodded slowly and stood up. “Thank you sir.” He said, then left quickly. He got to his car and texted his brother. “I’m coming for Lily.” Which he got a response that was positive.

Feliciano drove and got to his brothers house. He sat there preparing himself for his daughter. He opened the car door and went to the door. He knocked gently, pushing his sweater sleeves up. The door opened and he didn’t see his brother, he looked down and saw Lily. Feliciano smiled as he felt Lily hug him. He bent down and picked her up and held her tight. He held back his feelings. He shook them to the side. He was going to heal. That's exactly what Ludwig would have wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

After weeks of clinic visits and many different techniques, Feliciano was feeling mentally stronger. But when he was laying in bed by himself, his eyes would dart around his bedroom and he would look at the flag and fall back down the hole of recovery. He tried hard to put the flag somewhere to put it up, but the feelings and memories connected to the flag were too strong to throw in a closet. Feliciano rolled in his bed and closed his eyes, he hummed softly. He started to talk out. “There was this song, you would always sing to me. It sounded so sweet. I don’t know much German and it was in German. You said you wrote it, and I believed you, you know. I looked up the song and found no trace of the German words you spoke to me.”

Feliciano took a deep inhale and kept speaking. “You told me I was like an art piece. I was as beautiful as art. I was flattered.” He paused, then rolled back to see the flag. “But… I think it's time.” He pulled his body up slowly and stared at it. “I think it’s time to get over you. Ludwig. I’m never going to get over you, but I can try.” He pushed his body off the bed and went to the dresser, running a small hand over the flag. Then he gently picked it up. He walked to his closet, opened the door and pulled the light. His footsteps echoed in the most empty closet. Feliciano looked down at the flag, biting his lip. “Finale goodbye.” He slowly raised the flag to his lips, and kissed it. He got to a shelf and stood on his toes, sitting the flag on the shelf.

Feliciano knew it would grow dust and it would sit there with that letter. He felt bad for just sitting the things away so they would rot away. He turned around and slowly walked from the shelf. He walked to the doorway, then looked back, he took another step and then he shut the door, letting it make a small noise. Feliciano would have to tell Antonio about his latest accomplishment on recovery road. 

Humans go to therapist, they all dress up, but they are still depressed. No matter the clothes these humans wear to their therapist they are the same person they were before. Feliciano walked into Antonios office and spoke softly; “I did it.”

Antonio looked up from his computer and nodded at the door so Feliciano would shut it, and he did. “Did what, Feliciano? I need a bit more context than ‘I did it.’ Please sit and tell me what ‘it’ is.” Antonio said, turning his chair to see Feliciano better. Antonios eyes found Felicianos face and Feliciano knew he was scanning it.

Feliciano spoke, “I put the flag up finally. I put the flag in the closet. I finally did it. I put it there and I looked back at it, my mind said I was doing the right thing, but my heart didn't think so. But I feel better now. I feel like a big stress is uplifted from me.” Feliciano spoke quietly, nervously.

“When we do stuff we know will help us, weight is pulled off of our shoulders, Feliciano, stress overcomes our bodies and it pulls us down. I’m proud of your progress, Feliciano, soon you’re going to have your old life back before you know it.” Antonio paused, then smiled “How is lily?”

“Lily is doing fine.” Feliciano responded, “She seems to love being home with me. She asked me once if daddy was coming home and I responded with a soft ‘no’ and she just nodded.” Feliciano admitted. “Is that normal behavior? For a toddler I mean?”

Antonio rose an eyebrow. He brought a pen up to his lip and chewed on the end. “I’m not sure. Everyone copes with stuff differently, maybe she just thinks he's not coming home for a while. If she thinks that, leave it be. She will grow and not remember her childhood memories.” Antonio concluded, then looked at his watch.

Feliciano looked at Antonio, then nodded slowly. Feliciano understood the idea of not letting her know her childhood memories from early on. He also repressed a lot of older thoughts in the back of his mind.

Feliciano looked at Antonio. "She won't remember most of them, unless she tries hard enough." He agreed.

Antonio slightly smiled at Feliciano, then he paused. "I think we should do something. As a congrats of you getting a bit mentally healthy!"

Feliciano froze. Is Antonio asking Feliciano on a date? "I would love too, but-" Antonio stared a bit."but I'm busy with Lily. And..." He chewed his lip. Fuck. "I'm not ready for men to come over. Im not completely over Ludwig."

Antonio nodded a bit. "That's fine. Im not forcing you to do anything. I was just suggesting." Antonio slowly stood up and grabbed a bag and pulled out a journal. "Keep a Journal. Use it as a dream journal, a daily journal. I want a weeks worth of pages filled out by the next time you come in here-"

Feliciano interrupted. "Isn't this kind of elementary?"

Antonio laughed. "Yeah. But don't you like the idea of having a piece of paper that you can do anything too.you're in control. People love being in control of something."

Feliciano gently took the journal, then looked at Antonio. "I guess it would be nice to control something for once." He smiled.

Antonio spoke. "Do you need any art supplies?"

Feliciano nodded slowly. "I threw all my art supplies out when I grew into my depression. I was wasting everything I owned."

Antonio nodded. "Yeah yeah." He handed over some art supplies and bent down so he was face to face with Feliciano. "This is homework. With every completed page, I'll give you something. Candy or something like that. To reward you." Behavioral Psychology approach was probably the one that was mostly used in his office. 'Do this and I'll reward you with this.' This was in social psych 101.

Felicianos eyes lit up. "I love chocolate!" He smiled. "I also love suckers! There's this really good sucker with the chocolate in it. My mom would try to buy some in Italy when we still lived there and they were the best suckers. They tasted of like fruit but then you get this liquid chocolate in the center. The chocolate would have a sweet ping in the taste, kinda like someone put a bunch of wine in an ounce of chocolate and put it in a sucker-" He coughed awkwardly. "Sorry." He rubbed his arm, realizing he was rambling on.

Antonio chuckled. God he's so cute "I think our time is up if you don't have anything else to speak of today. Please text me on a new date for the next appointment. And please, write in this journal- any journal." He said. "Draw, write, paint it. Its yours."

Feliciano listened then paused. "Okay okay." He said. He pulled out his car keys and then left the room. He went to his car and unlocked it, getting in. He sat the journal into the passenger seat of the car. He turned the ignition on and found himself backing out and driving home.


	3. Chapter 3

“Humans are so weird” Feliciano whispered softly, running a hand through his hair when he saw a video on his laptop. “Why do people do that?” He said, clicking the video. He frowned when he noticed it was just a video with sex noises. He clicked out of it. Feliciano sighed to himself. His eyes flickering over to his door when he saw his daughter. Lily slowly walked in and stood there. “Lily?” Feliciano asked  
Lily looked up, her blue eyes glistening. “Papa?” she whispered. Feliciano looked at her, sitting his computer to the side. “Yes, honey?” He asked gently.   
Lily walked over and crawled up onto his bed. She hugged onto Feliciano. “  
May I please sleep here tonight?” She asked gently. Feliciano nodded some. He wrapped his arms around her gently. “Papa, I miss daddy.” She said to Feliciano, who nodded “I do too, honey. I’m sorry.” He said quietly.   
Feliciano sighed quietly, he looked away and moved her into ludwig's old side of the bed. He pulled the blankets over her and kissed her head. “Please sleep, honey. Your first day of school tomorrow.” He said. “I love you baby girl.” He said, he shut off his lamp and crawled under his bedsheets. He watched as Lily shifted around. Feliciano sighed and closed his eyes, his body slowly falling asleep. 

When morning rolled around he got up, went and cooked breakfast then went and got lily. He was surprised when he saw her already awake. She smiled, “Papa! I got up when you did! I already got ready papa!”   
Feliciano's heart slightly melted. “I’m so proud of you, sooner or later you’re going to be always up before me and you’ll get on a bus without me holding your hand… I love you lily.” He smiled, he watched as lily got up and ran over and hugged him, he looked down. “You tied your own shoes?!” He watched as she nodded proudly. “Who are you and what have you done to lily.” Feliciano laughed. 

 

After Feliciano dropped Lily off at the school. He drove off to his therapist appointment. He parked his car and sat in his car, staring at the building. His eyes scanned around and he found the door, watching a teen walk from the clinic and get into his car. “Godsh. Thats sad” He whispered gently, then opened his car door and grabbed his journal. He walked into the clinic and sighed in, and sat down, doodling on the front page. He wrote in the journal many times over the week and he was excited. He wanted Antonio to read it. He wasn't lying about anything the the journal. Everything was truthful.  
Feliciano slowly gripped his journal when his name was called. Ah yes. It was his turn. He walked back to Antonio's room and sat down in a chair. “I’ve been writing.” Feliciano spoke gently.   
Antonio turned around and smiled. “Woah, really? I thought the journal was ‘elementry’” He smiled to himself

 

Feliciano slightly giggled, he held out the journal and smiled gently. “You can read it. Here” He said, his eyes flickered up to see Antonio's face.   
Antonio gently grabbed it. “I’m going to read what you have so far.” He said, slowly opening the front page, and starting to slowly read the paper. 

Antonio handed the book back after he read it. “I think we should get you coping skills.”  
Feliciano looked at him, then froze. “Why? I don’t need any coping skills. I am getting better without them.”  
Antonio sighed, “It's for if you get bad again-”  
“I won’t. I do not need them.” Feliciano hissed, sitting his journal on the floor, then crossing his arms over his chest.   
“Please, just humor me.” He did a soft sigh, getting Feliciano to relax a bit, then he smiled. “I see you are a good artist. When you get bad, or feel bad, draw. Get the frustration and sadness out.”   
Feliciano looked up and spoke, “Maybe I don’t want to humor you.” He said gently, rubbing his arm gently.   
“But, you want to. I can see it in your eyes, sir.” He laughed quietly.   
“Do not call me sir, call me my name.” Feliciano said, looking at Antonios face, then looked away.   
“Okay, Feliciano. I want to see you tell me what you like to do.” Antonio said, speaking.   
Feliciano paused slowly. “I really like reading, singing, planting…. Drawing.” Feliciano said gently, speaking quickly, looking away.   
Antonio smiled. “Good. good. Do those when you’re feeling down. They aren’t really coping skills but they /are/ good skills to have when you’re getting bad again.” 

Later when they were done with the appointment, Antonio stood up to not let Feliciano leave. Feliciano froze, holding his journal against his stomach. Antonio spoke gently. “Have you been eating?” He asked.   
Feliciano froze some, then looked away. “Oh, yeah yeah. But even if I didn’t my daughter is, thats all that matters.”  
Antonio spoke. “I’m wanting you to eat some more, even if its just a small snack.” Antonio said, sighing.   
Feliciano nodded slowly, “Okay. Okay. My daughter does want to cook cupcakes. I guess we can do it.” Feliciano smiled, looking up at him.   
Antonio smiled. “How is your daughter?”   
Feliciano hummed. “Amazing. I love her with all my heart.”  
Antonio nodded. “I am glad she is doing amazing. She has an amazing father. Make sure with every decision you make, remember your daughter.”  
Feliciano smiled. “Of course. Thank you.”   
Antonio watched him leave his office. He sat down at his desk and went to his computer and started to type on his computer. He wrote about the appointment and how Feliciano was doing. He texted him, it saying. “Schedule an appointment! Text me ASAP.”  
Feliciano texted back quickly. “Next Wednesday, 3pm?”  
Antonio texted back. “Of course. Have a nice week!”


End file.
